Street lights, signs, bus shelters and even trees have been coated by a yellowish goo that bears a resemblance to petroleum jelly.

Temporary “No Stopping” signs also have been posted along the thoroughfare warning motorists they could be cited for a violation for stopping between 5:30 p.m and midnight.

Hoping to prevent the damage and looting that followed last year’s World Series victory, police are expected to be out in force tonight if the Phillies clinch the National League title.

At Robinson Luggage, which was looted last year, manager Kevin Roemer said Police Commissioner Charles H. Ramsey had assured Broad Street merchants there would be a stepped up police presence.

“We’re feeling confident about what the police are going to do,” said Roemer, adding the store was taking no special precautions.

“I’m a big Phillies fan,” said Roemer, who, like much of the region has a touch of Phillies fever. “I want to see a repeat. It would be great for the city.”

“If we beat the Yankees [in the World Series] I have no idea what the celebration would be like,” he added, imagining what is not yet a certainty.

http://www.philly.com/philly/news/breaking/20091021_Greasing_poles_in_case_of_a_Phillies_victory.html

Phillies broadcaster Harry Kalas passed out in a press box at Nationals Park today and was pronounced dead at GW Hospital. He was 73.

“We lost our voice today,” team president David Montgomery said, his voice cracking. “He has loved our game and made just a tremendous contribution to our sport and certainly to our organization.”

Nats acting GM Mike Rizzo talked to Montgomery after Kalas’ collapse but there was never really a thought of canceling the game; Montgomery told Rizzo that Kalas would have wanted them to play. There will be a moment for silence for both Nick Adenhart of Hagerstown and for Kalas.

Montgomery said that Kalas was found unconscious in a broadcast booth, where he was preparing to work Monday’s game against the Nationals. He was found by the Phillies director of broadcasting at about 12:30 p.m.

Montgomery called his condition serious at that time, and the Phillies closed the visitors’ clubhouse to the media.

Kalas missed most of spring training after undergoing surgery in February. The team declined to reveal details of the surgery, saying it was a “minor medical procedure.”

Kalas, who has broadcast Phillies games since 1971, was known for his distinctive “Outta here!” home run call. He was inducted into the Baseball Hall of Fame after receiving the Ford C. Frick Award in 2002. He was in the final year of a three-year contract with the Phillies. Kalas also did commercial voice-overs and narrated for NFL Films.

http://voices.washingtonpost.com/nationalsjournal/2009/04/kalas_found_passed_out.html?hpid=topnews

The Phils had control of Hamels for the next three seasons anyway, hence the cheaper deal for Hamels than the well-known Adam Eaton disaster. But the Phillies avoid arbitration with Hamels this year and the next two, making this a good sign all around. He’ll be a free agent in 2012, and the Phillies will have to pay big for him then — but his next three years could be incredible, at under $7 million a year.

More Info: http://willdo.pwblogs.com/2009/01/17/cole-hamels-plants-his-flag-in-philly/

Andrew Jeffrey Wright, of Space 1026, is now taking orders for a limited, second run of his amazing Barack Obama/Philadelphia Phillies tee. The first batch is all but sold out and he will only be printing what is requested! Shirts are $15 on natural tees, instead of white, and will be printed on Monday the 19th, so place your order before then!

Email AJW with your desired size and quantity if you’re interested.

Excuse me while I go kidnap a baby and play “so big” until it cries. (Props to my mom for the awesome link…again.)

“Well, looks like my boys The Philadelphia Phillies took the World Series this year. Why, you ask, does it look like this? Because people are burning the city down. After 28 years of fruitless labor, The Phightin’ Phils put an enormous foot into the ass of The Tampa Bay Rays (who sealed their fate by caving to Baptist pressure and breaking their ties with Satan), winning the series 4 games to 1 and breaking the Curse Of Billy Penn. It’s good to see my fellow brethren of hate are letting people know just who the fuck is really in charge.“ (Vice Magazine)

More Info: http://vice.typepad.com/vice_magazine/2008/10/philadelphia–.html

So we started today feeling rad! You know why? because we were about to be some of the lucky few to see a wrecking ball smash a flamboyant donkey.

After waiting for three hours we found out that the event was canceled.

This Made People Angry!

76 arrests, no injuries, 10 broken store windows. Can we not destroy our own city while celebrating? …savages.

Philadelphia Mayor Michael Nutter says a parade will be held Friday in honor of the Phillies’ World Series championship. It is to begin at noon, Friday at 20th and Market Streets and travel south down Broad Street ending at the sports complex.

Major League Baseball announced that Game 5 of the 2008 World Series between the Tampa Bay Rays and Philadelphia Phillies will resume at Citizens Bank Park, with the first pitch scheduled for 8:37 p.m. ET.

The Phillies will be coming to bat to start the bottom of the sixth inning with the score tied, 2-2. Grant Balfour is the pitcher in the game for Tampa Bay, while Cole Hamels, Jimmy Rollins and Jayson Werth are due up for Philadelphia.

Thus, Phillies manager Charlie Manuel will have had two full days to consider a pinch-hitter for his pitcher, who limited the Rays to two runs over six innings when Game 5 began on Monday. A victory for the Phillies would clinch their first championship since the 1980 season.

“That’s all that’s important to us, that’s all that we think about,” Manuel said. “We’ve got 3 1/2 innings of baseball — we get to bat four times, they get to bat three. We get 12 outs, they get nine. We’re definitely coming with the mindset that we’re going to win that game.”

The game was tied in the top half of the sixth inning when, with conditions growing increasingly sloppy, B.J. Upton legged out a two-out infield single to Rollins at shortstop, stole second base on the muddy infield, and scored when Carlos Pena singled to left field.

Throwing only fastballs, Hamels got Longoria to fly out for the final out of the top of the sixth before the tarpaulin was dragged across the field at 10:40 p.m. on Tuesday. The game was officially suspended 30 minutes later.

“Our players were thinking about going nine innings, and when the rain started, they were still thinking about going nine innings,” Manuel said.

Weather.com, the Web site of The Weather Channel, is forecasting considerable clouds this evening, with a low of 31 degrees and winds from the west at 10 to 20 mph. According to them, it would be mostly cloudy and 39 degrees at 8 p.m., with a 20 percent chance of precipitation.

Weatherbug, which provides weather updates to MLB, said that there is a 14 percent chance of precipitation at 8 p.m., dropping to 5 percent at 9 p.m., with temperatures in the low-40s and high-30s.

The National Weather Service is calling for mostly cloudy skies with a low around 35 degrees, and a west wind between 6 and 9 mph.

Accuweather predicts partly cloudy skies and 42 degrees at 8 p.m., with a 50 percent probability of precipitation between 6 p.m. and 9 p.m. After 9 p.m., the probability of precipitation drops to 31 percent.

Ultimately, the decision on when and whether to play remains in the hands of Commissioner Bud Selig. During the regular season, pregame postponements are controlled by the home club, and then after a game begins, by the umpires.

Up to this point, there had never been a rain-shortened game in Series history, and this was the first suspension.

Game 3 of the World Series, played Saturday evening, was delayed one hour and 31 minutes by rain. The Phillies and Rays played uninterrupted after the delay, with Philadelphia winning, 5-4, in the bottom of the ninth on Carlos Ruiz’s bases-loaded infield hit.

The field at Citizens Bank Park is playable in a steady rain. The system in place allows the grass to drain and a sand-like substance is used to keep the dirt portion of the infield from saturating. As a backup, the system is equipped with a vacuum that pumps tons of water out of the drainage pipes.

Games 6 and 7, if necessary, would take place in the domed confines of Tropicana Field in St. Petersburg on Thursday and Friday.

GO PHILLIES!

More Info: http://mlb.mlb.com/news/article.jsp?ymd=20081029&content_id=3652350&vkey=ps2008news&fext=.jsp&c_id=mlb

It seems that Carnival Cruise Lines has spent months planning a huge event in downtown Philadelphia set for Sunday; in which an enormous, six-story piñata was scheduled to be suspended above 20th and Market and then broken apart to shower the good citizens of Philly with 8000 pounds of delicious candy (I see no way this can go wrong).

But on Tuesday, the city sent out a news release revealing that the site of the piñata demolition would be moved. The release, via Philly Edge:

Due to the exciting World Series run by the Philadelphia Phillies, the city has requested that the location for this event be changed. It will now be held in South Philadelphia, at South Broad Street and Washington Avenue, from 12:00 p.m. to 3:00 p.m. The piñata will be destroyed at approximately 1:30 p.m.

Obviously the city is looking ahead to a possible victory parade, and doesn’t want the Phillie motorcade to butt up against piñata pandemonium at this key downtown intersection. Also, releasing Joe Blanton amongst 8000 pounds of candy cannot be considered a good idea.

By the way, last Sunday Carnival Cruise unleashed a giant beach ball that horribly crushed delighted hundreds in downtown Dallas. I’m really looking forward to seeing the six-story sexual aid in San Francisco in December.

This is so retardedly awesome. Also, they are destroying the piñata with a wrecking ball

More Info: http://deadspin.com/5070287/puny-philadelphians-you-will-never-stop-the-carnival-cruise-six+story-piata-of-doom

Phillies 2 to1 in the World Series, lets go!

Photo art by etchaskechtist

There will be a huge rally TOMORROW, 12PM at City Hall to support the Phillies before they kick off the World Series. It is sponsored by Citizens Bank. Mayor Nutter, the Philly Phanatic and some ball girls will be at the pep rally, according to a release from Citizens Bank. But the team will be in Tampa.

You’d be right but really I’m not that big or sweaty, I just thought that since every Tom, Dick, and dickhead in Philadelphia will most likely hostilely confront you at least one time this week about “‘dem Phils” you should at least get to know a little but about ‘em.

First, the Phils are in the National League, the playoff series they are currently playing in is call the National League Championship Series or NLCS for short. The NLCS is the series right before the World Series so if you don’t understand why people are so emotionally invested, now you sort of grasp the gravity of the situation.

I’m going to assume that you know the rules to the game but its not really necessary if you want to just be a Phillies fan and talk like you know what the hell is going on with the team. The most important people to know are of course the players and so I’ll go down the studs so you know who’s who when you’re watchin’ them at the bar.

Leading off, we have the rock, last season’s MVP Jimmy Rollins, JRoll for short and the best all around player on the team. He’s consistent on offense, gets on base more than a sub woofer and he’s got a golden glove on the field. Off the field, he’s the consummate gentleman, usually as JRoll goes, so do the Phillies.

Batting second is Jason Werth, generally a solid performer. He’s been having an outstanding postseason. Noted for his ridiculous patch of facial hair and the fact that he’s not quite Chase Utley.

Third in the lineup is your little sister’s favorite player and overall good guy, Chase Utley. Chase is an incredible fielder and usually an uncannily consistent hitter, hes been off in this post- season and his current slump is much to the chagrin of every Phillies Phan.

Batting fourth is the Big Guy, the slugger, his name is Ryan Howard and he is larger than life in the eyes of the average Phillies fan. The first words that come to mind when you think about Ryan Howard is the famous West African Proverb, “Speak Softly and Carry a Big Stick.”

5TH in the rotation is Pat “The Bat” Burrel, Burrel who’s clutch hitting and over-the-top celebrations have earned him a spot in the hearts of many Phillies Phans. Pat is notoriously slow and you can show off your Phillies knowledge by having a chuckle at his cement footed base-running.

6th in the order is the little man’s champion, Shane “The Flyin Hawaiin” Victorino, quick and clutch, Victorino is undoubtedly my favorite Phillie. He runs down fly balls like a gazelle and recently cracked a game winning grand slam home run in the most recent series. He’s a team player with a winning smile and a happy-go-lucky attitude. In short (no pun intended) he’s the Man.

7th/8th- Pedro Feliz and Carlos Ruiz: Feliz is the third baseman with excellent defense, his bright spot lies in his potential for the team in the future. Ruiz is the catcher and an adequate role player, won’t hear him talked about a lot.

Well that does it for the lineup hopefully next time you’re around a game or watchin’ it with avid fans you’ll have something to interject with that isn’t, “Grab me another beer?”

Submitted by: TJ. Connors.

GOO PHILLIESSS GOOOOO! PLEASE

Being from Dallas, before I came here (effectively makin me a star-shaped peg in a square hole) I had heard many a sordid tale about how they, upon spotting a supporter of the opposition in their territory would pelt you with ice cubes, wish a pox upon your house, kick your children and steal your left shoe just to spite you. Succinctly, real dickfaces. And to be honest, I believed the shit. Yamean…it made sense. It just seemed to be accurate, based on the things I’ve seen in my time here…until I found out different on Monday.

The morning began like any other game day…I woke up, showered, decked myself out in Cowboys regalia and left for work. I didn’t get 2 blocks from my house before some dude drivin a Doritos truck saw my choice of clothing, slowed down, gave me the finger, spelled “Eagles” at me (he got it right…I was a little impressed…) and drove off, but not before I was able to counter with a well-executed “Suck it” crotch chop. “Fuckin Iggle fans…” I thought and continued on my way. Not 2 blocks later, I got on the bus only to have the driver hiss “Can’t let you on dressed like that, buddy.” Sumthin told me he was halfway serious, but I had a token anyway, so fuck him…I smiled, shrugged it off, and moved on.

Work was, to put it kinda mildly, a swirling cornucopia of disdain and outrage. All day, people started in with the booty chatter, shit talkin, insults, and otha assorted reggaeton. You woulda thought I was some kinda torture rapist or kid snatcher the way I was shunned and mocked for my choice of football team all day. (I don’t persecute you for your religious beliefs, do I? Damn!) Everywhere I went…if it wasn’t “Oh, that shirt is disgusting…” it was “Get the hell out of my office with that hat!”, “THAT’S what that ring means?” or “Additional unoriginal comment #4!”

So of course, it only stands to reason that later that day, ‘parently cuz of some deep seated disregard for my own personal welfare (seriously…if I wasn’t as big a dude as I am, I woulda thought twice.), I decided to go to that no man’s land of ‘Boys backers called Chickie’s and Pete’s in NE Philly to watch the game. After standin outside considerin what I was about to do for about 5 minutes, I went in. As soon as I crossed the threshold of the door, everything stopped, including me in the doorway. The tension was palpable and suffocating…it was like tryin to walk into Jell-O. Conversations fell silent. A nearby bartender was pourin a draft, and the liquid froze in midair. The news was on TV, and the anchor stopped talkin, dropped his pen in shock, and stared at me, mouth agape. All eyes fell on me. Then, all at once, the room erupted into a lusty chorus of boos, jeers and catcalls.

Honored and mortified, I savored the antihero’s welcome for a few seconds, then took refuge on a corner barstool, parked in front of a TV. I ordered some Crabfries (worth every penny, but I was kinda suspicious of that viscous white sauce served with em. I’m sure I don’t have to detail how many ways said sauce could be adulterated to show malice to a reviled dude such as myself.) and a beer and waited for the game. Just then, a flock of Eagle fans sat nearby, and immediately started pointin and talkin to each otha. I sensed forthcoming hostilities, and a 15-second long bar fight montage played in my mind, including the stereotypical breakin of a bottle to form a crude poking device and culminating in me slidin some Iggle fan down a bartop, knockin over drinks and breakin glasses along the way. I mentally prepared for battle.

Instead, they surprised me. After some required comments about my apparel and team of choice, they turned out to be pretty good guys. One even bought me a beer “for having the balls to come in here dressed like that”. I returned the favor, and all was well. Course, there was the standard heckling and taunts from both sides, but that’s part of the fun. I’ll spare you the details of the game, as I’m sure you’ve heard about it more times than you care to whether you follow football or not, but I was magnanimous in victory. Everyone got a smile, a pat on the back/handshake (except for one guy who claimed he appreciated the gesture, but “just couldn’t do it.”…I understood) and a “good game”.

I walked out with a new respect for Philadelphia (damn, I ain’t spoken/typed that whole word in a long time) and the fans of its teams…they’re passionate, dedicated, and otherwise fairly decent folk…a bit delusional, but by the same SEPTA token what self-respecting sports fan aint? (I mean…the entire premise of fanhood is fundamentally ridiculous…but…who gives a good gahdamn?) If Cowboys fans and Eagles fans can get along, or at least tolerate each other’s presence, then it gives me new hope for peace in the Middle East, the lion laying with the lamb and all that other Hallmark bullshit. Well…maybe not all that…but it’ll decrease my number of barfights…small steps, people….small steps. Point is, I respect youse guys now…still hate yall team, all the players thereof, current, former and future, as well as actual eagles, but yall gets a measure of love…take it for what it’s worth.

*The opinions, views, realrap, and outlandish-but-candid words of AJ are not necessarily cosigned, shared, or otherwise endorsed by McJawn, Get your Shit Right, the city of Philadelphia, or any other entity…unless they happen to agree, in that case…fuck it…whatever.*

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