I received this e-mail from the previous tenant of my new apartment about the on premises laundry machine and how to use it. Ideally, it makes sense to move the machine over to the kitchen sink so it gets it’s water supply, but there are way too many problems for this shit to still be considered functional, cheap ass landlord guy! Here’s what the e-mail says…

Hey Tyler the washing machine is pretty complicated to operate so I wrote up some instructions that will help you.

1. you need to screw the gray rubber tube onto the sink faucet and place the black tube near the drain. water comes in the gray tube and drains out of the black tube. once you have connected the gray tube to the faucet, turn on the water to the temperature u desire. the knob that adjusts the cycle is broken off but you can still turn it. you can also push it in and out to turn the machine on and off. i believe i left it in the out position so it will automatically start operating when you turn the knob to any on position.

2. Water sprays out from where the tube connects to the faucet sometimes so drape a napkin or something over the end of the faucet so that all the spray just drips off the napkin into the sink.

3. Always keep the temperature setting on COLD COLD – since all water enters the washing machine through the cold port. You can adjust the temperature of the water manually by moving the faucet handle from side to side.

4. as the washing machine proceeds through the cycle, it reaches points where it hums, and then sometimes just shuts off. Whenever the washing machine hums, you need to grab hold of it about halfway down (dont grab just the top because it is a separate piece) and twist it from side to side. Sometimes you have to twist the whole machine back and forth pretty hard to get it to stop humming and proceed with the cycle. If you fail to do this, like if you leave the room for a while, there is a good chance the washing machine will simply hum until shutting off and emitting a faint burning smell. If that happens, unplug it and leave it alone for about 20 minutes. Then set it to wherever you want on the cycle and when you plug it back in it should come on again.

5. In the beginning part of the cycle, the machine sometimes stops oscillating and just lets your clothes sit in soapy water. It doesnt hum when it does this so it is a little more difficult to detect. But if you notice it just sitting there for a while when it is supposed to be washing your clothes try giving it a few twists back and forth and it should suddenly start oscillating again.

6. Make sure to point the drain tube into the sink drain and make sure it does not fall out of the sink.

7. basically you need to be in the room when the washing machine is running, and you need to shake it back and forth about 3 or 4 times during the cycle.

let me know if you have any questions

I have one question actually, HOW DID YOU EVER WASH YOUR CLOTHES!!! “Water sprays everywhere”? This probably explains why there are several leeks going to the second floor! To my cheap landlord, come buy me a new machine from Ikea or some shit and stop sending your plumber to my apartment every month or so!

Posted By: T-Munney

“I Dare you” I calmly whispered in your face.

Honey you need to know who you are dealing with. I’m a very independent woman and I wont have ANY man play games with my head. I come home from my SECOND job last night only to find you piss drunk on the cheapest bottle of vodka you can find. (being drunk didn’t bother me so much) The way you acted was ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING.

Your from another state trying to make your way through school and have no home, so my family and friends take you in with open arms, because they care ABOUT ME…So in the process of moving you from one friends house, to a more perminate friends house, you FUCKING steal their frozen meat, and hot dogs. What are you INSANE????

You just took away their 2 year olds dinner for the next week. Not only that, but you totally burned down your bridges with any of my friends. Then you think it would be ok to bring the stolen food to my other friends who is giving you a room in her house. “NO” not ok, because now she is worried about her things being stolen. I actually SLEPT with my FUCKING PURSE last night. I really hope you know who your dealing with. I think you realized last night that I’m no pussy bitch who will let you walk all over them.

Now I have been bending over backwards to help your sorry ass. My friends have taken you in and this is how you repay them. I’m SO DISAPOINTED. I’ve lost respect for you. Oh and my brother just called he is highly fucking pissed that you left him a nasty message last night in your drunken stooper. IDIOT. Of course you don’t remember anything, but you still try to convince me that stealing the food was part of “survival” FUCK OFF. You have been eating DAMN good at my house. We even let you enjoy and healthy handful of snow crabs, so don’t fucking tell me it’s about survival.

Yesterday while on the bus, you hinted to the fact that maybe you were going to try and put your hands on me. You said “we’ll see how tough I am when we get off this bus” WELL I FUCKING DARE YOU. Luckily for you, your drunk retarded ass passed out on the bus. I should have just left you sleeping. You would have gotten a pleasant surprise when you woke up at the terminal with no phone, no money, no clue where the fuck you are, and certainly NO ME. Keep pushing me pus.

GOD I fucking love you, but you are pushing me away SOO damn quick, before you know it, I wont be there. That’s if I even decide to come down there tonight. I need a night out with the “Boys” That’s another thing I miss my male friends. NEVER did I sleep with ONE of my male friends, but I can’t have them, because your insecure. You can sleep alone TONIGHT. You and your crack head ways!! Only crack heads steal meat out of people’s freezers.

http://philadelphia.craigslist.org/mis/951392754.html

HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA. The last line is the best part, ONLY CRACKHEADS STEAL MEAT OUT OF PEOPLE’S FREEZERS! This is my favorite missed connections ever. I don’t even know how this counts as a missed connection.

What is a fire-safe cigarette?
A fire-safe cigarette has a reduced propensity to burn when left unattended. The most common fire-safe technology used by cigarette manufacturers is to wrap cigarettes with two or three thin bands of less-porous paper that act as “speed bumps” to slow down a burning cigarette. If a fire-safe cigarette is left unattended, the burning tobacco will reach one of these speed bumps and self-extinguish. Illustration by John Roman.

The term “fire-safe” is controversial as no lit cigarette can truly be considered “fire safe.” Some refer to “fire-safe” cigarettes as having RIP (reduced ignition propensity).

Problems with fire safe cigarettes have been voiced by some consumers. For example, it has been observed that in order for a fire safe cigarette to stay lit, the smoker has to drag harder and more often. As a result, it is more likely that the end of the cigarette will burn down too fast, potentially creating a hazard in its own right. Some question whether a cigarette that extinguishes itself in a matter of minutes (as opposed to hours) will substantially mitigate its potential to cause fires.

The most prominent complaint, however, is that the fire safe cigarettes are unpleasant tasting and cause increased irritation. This has lead some to conclude that the tobacco in fire-safe cigarettes has been treated with unknown agent(s). There has been no documented evidence to support this suspicion.

I don’t see how “fire safe” cigarettes prevent any fires other than from people who fall asleep smoking a cigarette and those people are idiots. If you can’t stay awake to smoke a cigarette, you shouldn’t have lit one! You can’t smoke at the rate you want to anymore, you have to constantly be taking a drag so it doesn’t go out. Taking a break from your cigarette to talk to someone is now very frustrating because by the time you go for another drag, it will be out. Yeah, relighting your cigarette isn’t a big deal but it’s really fucking annoying, especially when it’s windy out.

Fuck that shit, I’m gonna make one of these:

Being sick all weekend sucks! If you’re like me, being sick equals staying in bed all day, taking frequent naps, drinking a lot of green tea and watching lots of shitty reality tv, namely Paris Hilton’s My New BFF.

I noticed something weird while watching a few episodes. Why does Paris carry that douchewand everywhere she goes? It seems like she tries to bring it out as much as possible, outside of the eliminations.

I think my favorite part of her reality show is when she eliminates someone, she just waves her douchewand and says, TTYN! (Talk To You NEVER.)

REALLY? No… REALLY PARIS? Who talks like that IRL? (In Real Life.) If in normal conversation, you speak as you would through a text message, you don’t deserve to live. Every time she says TTYN, the “OMG, MY BFF JILL?!?!” commercial replays in my head and drives me crazy.

But back to the douchewand. I would not let her get anywhere near me with that, who knows where that’s been? She just broke up with the fat twin from that band no one cares about and she seems to love that wand a little too much. Put that nasty douchewand away, especially if it spent “a night in Paris.” KTHNX!

Also Clueless was on tv, great movie. This girl I went to high school with can recite the whole movie on mute. I’m not gonna lie, I was impressed. I’m with Cher, we’re saving ourselves for Luke Perry.

…barely. (hey, someone has to nag a bit and I’m ok with it being me.)

So last night, as you all know, the city ate itself. If you have a mom like mine, she was texting you all night to stay indoors cause she was watching the news in a panic, terrified to see you getting launched into a paddywagon by the men in black. At first, I thought she was being ridiculous. I mean, everyone around me seemed happy. I hugged at least a hundred people I’ve never seen before. Everyone was smiling and yelling nonsense and ripping off their shirts. There was sheer, drunken joy all over the city and it was glorious. I got shots poured in my mouth, Coyote Ugly-style. I shared a beer with a cop. Holy crap, this kind of stuff doesn’t even go down on New Years.

It was the best time I’ve ever had in my two and a half years here, hands down. I finally experienced this brotherly love I’ve heard so much about. Thousands of people and we were all elated and we were freaking losing our minds. It did feel like New Years a bit after all. A year that lasted for 25 with a party fit for it. I come to find that this was only because the agro-crowd hadn’t hit Walnut yet.

Then someone starting breaking things. Then people joined in. Then they lit things on fire. Then I nearly got face-f**ked by a beer bottle at full speed. Then the SWAT showed up (in a school bus, nonetheless) with tear gas and night sticks. Party over. Go Home. Call your mom.

Somehow, a 25 year release/celebration turned into a scary night. This had nothing to do with baseball or fun anymore. It was drunk people smashing things for the hell of it. Fist fights and flipping cars and throwing bricks through windows ( poor Cop Shop ). I thought Rodney King came to town or something. Look, I’m not trying to be a party pooper here, but I just don’t get it. Why act like animals and destroy the very city were in the midst of being so proud of? Why are you burning that tree? We won. (By the way, I’m so pissed at that. There’s like, three trees on Broad Street. Cmon.) This was such a positive thing for this city that turned ugly and violent. Honestly, I’m a bit embarrassed. Its a huge disrespect to the people who live and run their business here just like the rest of us and a messed-up way to treat your neighbors.

For the parade tomorrow, let’s hug it out and try not throw things at my house or head. Keep up the “I love you, man” vibe and not so much of the “let’s burn this mother down.”

Malta is a small and densely populated European micro state, comprising an archipelago of seven islands.
Area:
total: 316 sq km
Climate:
Mediterranean: mild, rainy winters; hot, dry summers
Terrian:
mostly low, rocky flat to dissected plains, many coastal cliffs
Population:
403,532 (July 2008 est.)
Languages:
Maltese (official) 90.2%, English (official) 6%, multilingual 3%, other 0.8%
Government type:
republic

Background:
Great Britain formally acquired possession of Malta in 1814. The island staunchly supported the UK through both World Wars and remained in the Commonwealth when it became independent in 1964. A decade later Malta became a republic. Since about the mid-1980s, the island has transformed itself into a freight transshipment point, a financial center, and a tourist destination. Malta became an EU member in May 2004 and began to use the euro as currency in 2008.

Location:
Southern Europe, islands in the Mediterranean Sea, south of Sicily (Italy)

Fun Fact:

While Maltese music today is largely Western, traditional Maltese music includes what is known as ghana. This consists of background folk guitar music, while a few people, generally men, take it in turns to argue a point in a singsong voice. The aim of the lyrics, which are improvised, are to create a friendly yet challenging atmosphere, and it takes a number of years of practice to be able to combine the required artistic qualities with the ability to debate effectively.

Posted by SlothBaby

Posted by goldNboi7

More Info: http://blog.wired.com/27bstroke6/2008/10/voting-machine.html

Posted by erin o’connor

See, the other day, I had just finished my little routine, and was sittin on a bench tying a shoe, when I hear a voice above me. “Hey, how bout those Phils?” I look up…immediately see…well, way too much bare flesh, way too damn close. I won’t go into detail. My head snaps back down so fast, I’m pretty sure I got mild whiplash. Stunned, I manage to mumble “Yeah…uh…they’re doin good…” He rambles on in the buff about the pinstriped objects of his affection a while more, while I finish gettin dressed at the approximate speed of light. When I’m finished, I stand up with my back to him, bid him good day, and strafed awkwardly out of the locker room.

It aint the first time something like that happened, neitha. Damn near every time I walk in or out of there, I see things I don’t wanna see. I’m considering gettin some blinders like a racehorse. Seriously, when did it become cool to frolic around nekkid in the locker room? Like seriously…nobody wants to see that, fam. What’s worse is the fact that it’s always some old dude (not that a young one would be any better) all wrinkled up, balls draggin on the floor. Okay, I understand you just got out the shower. I feel that you wanted to clean yaself after you got all sweated up, and I can dig your belief in good hygiene. Far be it from me to discourage folk from bathing. But I’m sayin tho…you can’t wrap a towel around yourself? Must you be nude in here for 15 minutes at a time? You gotta expose your…body…to the whole locker room? Is this a gym or a Roman bathhouse?

The worst part is the dudes that do this are never nekkid for, say 30 seconds while they get dressed…no, they wanna take all they clothes off and sit there on one of the benches (eww!) for half an hour, perhaps pondering the mysteries of life or worse, have a conversation. Cuz…I don’t wanna talk to you while you don’t have clothes on! Hell, until you put some damn pants on, I don’t even wanna acknowledge your presence, let alone discuss the Phillies, past relationships, or the economy. Get dressed, and I’ll be happy to talk with ya.

See, it aint like I’m a stranger to locker rooms. I played football for years, we did have to get changed into/out of our unis, and yes, to put new clothes on you have to take the ones that are on you off. But I can honestly say I never got completely nekkid, then went to attempt to have a conversation with the wide receivers about the new crop of freshmen. Something tells me that wouldn’t have went too well. We went, showered, changed, and went about our business…once we was decent, sure we chatted it up…but not right there, that’s just mad weird.

In conclusion, all I’m askin is that you don’t lounge around butt-ass nekkid in a public area 4 extended periods of time, that you hold your convo for after you get dressed, and please don’t ever place your nekkid body within 2 feet of me. Fair warning…next dude to try it gets a Tiger Uppercut in the nutsack. Till yall fix this, I can’t deal with this shit any more…I’m gonna see if I can get dressed in the women’s locker room from now on.

Posted by goldNboi7

Capital:
Bandar Seri Begawan
Population:
381,371 (July 2008 est.)
Languages:
Malay (official), English, Chinese
Government type:
constitutional sultanate
Currency:
Bruneian dollar

Location:
Southeastern Asia, bordering the South China Sea and Malaysia

Background:
The Sultanate of Brunei’s influence peaked between the 15th and 17th centuries when its control extended over coastal areas of northwest Borneo and the southern Philippines. Brunei subsequently entered a period of decline brought on by internal strife over royal succession, colonial expansion of European powers, and piracy. In 1888, Brunei became a British protectorate; independence was achieved in 1984. The same family has ruled Brunei for over six centuries. Brunei benefits from extensive petroleum and natural gas fields, the source of one of the highest per capita GDPs in Asia.

Fun Fact:
Drug trafficking and illegally importing controlled substances are serious offenses in Brunei and carry a mandatory death penalty.

Posted by SlothBaby

But since that’s clearly a bullshit figment of my imagination run amok, I’m gonna wager a guess that dude just doesn’t wanna debate, which is an understandable sentiment cuz he’s prolly the worst presidential candidate since John Kerry. Seriously, this is the best old gray fuck the Grand Old Party could dig up? (And I damn near mean that literally…dude is literally on death’s doorstep…President Palin, anybody?) He, by his own admission, knows about as much about the economy as your average 10th grader. So what the hell is he gonna do with his time on Friday night that’s so spectacular that he can’t take time to participate in arguably the most important part in the campaigning process, which is sharing your views and stance with potential voters?

He can’t reschedule this alleged clandestine meeting (which makes him not only a pussy…but a very poor planner. Great presidential traits…) with the godlike financial gurus who will help him formulate a plan to propel us out of the depths of this economic downturn over the weekend? Furthermore, if “the fundamentals of the economy are strong” (direct recent quote) then why does he have to pause his campaign to fix it? We’re startin with the doublespeak already?

Na, what comes to mind for me is a scheduled schoolyard fight in which one little boy knows he’s gonna get his ass handed to him after poppin big shit all day, and so says he has to go home and walk his dog, despite not having a dog. It’s a bullshit excuse to escape from an inevitable embarrassment or, for the sake of the analogy, to keep Sarah Palin’s retarditude on a leash just a little bit longer. On some real shit, have you heard this broad talk? She’s…well, there are a number of words I could use here, but the least profane is clueless. She makes Dubya sound like a Yale graduate…oh, shit…wait…um…anyway, point is, to have her one feeble heartbeat away from the presidency is a thought that might keep me up at night.

In addition, Barack Obama has denied his request, meaning that even if McCain doesn’t show up, the “debate” will go on…which means the Pied Piper of the Democratic Party will have a hour and a half, uninterrupted, on every major network, to deliver one of his rousing teleprompter speeches to whip his already zealous supporters into a frenzy. Yeah…that’s gonna be just great for McCain’s campaign. Not only that, the implication in canceling the debate to work on this master plan of his is that he can’t handle two things at once. Um…news flash, big guy…you’re campaigning to be the LEADER OF THE FREE FUCKIN WORLD, not the manager of a local Wawa! There will come times where you will have to handle 2, maybe even 3 things at once for extended periods of time. Real rap, can you imagine sumthin like this poppin off?

John McCain: *picks up phone, dials*

Osama Bin Laden: “Hello, buddy…”

JC: “Yeah, what’s good my dude? Hey listen, I wanna ask you sumthin real quick…”

OBL: “Sure, sure…anything, buddy…you know we go back a long time.”

JC: *laughs* “True, true…Aight, check this out…we’re havin kind of a tough time over here with the economy and shit and there’s really a lot on my plate right now…I wonder if you could fall back with all the bombin and killin for a hot minute? Handlin all this at once is really cuttin into my “Matlock” time, plus I’m runnin low on Centrum tablets and bran cereal, and you know I’m no good without em…you know I wouldn’t ask unless I needed it…whaddya say, cuzzo?”

OBL: “Yes, yes…okay…you take all the time you need, buddy…you just call me when you are ready to fight this war again. It is football season anyway and my Redskins are coming on…I can not miss that. You know, if anybody throws a bomb better than my legion of insurgents, it is the Jason Campbell.”

JC: *hearty laugh, violent coughin fit* “Yeah, I know how ya get about that…aight ima let you go now…you know I got a country to run and all that…”

OBL: “All right, buddy…are you still coming to my party? BYOB, I do not drink.”

JC: “Wouldn’t miss it, fam…I’ll talk to you later…”

OBL: “Later buddy…”

That shit’s just not gonna happen. You have to be able to multitask to be the President, and that’s just a fact of life. It’s hard for everybody right now, and for McCain to be callin time-out before he even theoretically gets in office does not bode well for his ability to lead this country.

Look, I know I went hard on Barack Obandwagoners a few weeks ago (and I stand by the shit…educate yallselfs!), but this shit is downright ridiculous. Me my own personal self, I don’t think either candidate is all that great, and that’s putting it mildly. This is just further proof that the 2-party voting system in this country is fundamentally flawed. More often than not the American people end up choosin the lesser of 2 evils instead of the right person to lead this country…and the fact that the best 2 dickheads that the Republicans (in a year where support for Republicans is at pretty low levels, to say the least) could pull up to run are these two is laughable at best. I hope they know that they are writin the definitive textbook on how to lose an election. I mean…do they even seriously wanna win? Pullin a skirt move like this damn sure won’t help…if fortune favors the bold, this guy is fucked…and deservedly so.

*the opinions, views, realrap and outlandish-but-candid words of AJ are not necessarily shared, cosigned or otherwise endorsed by McJawn, Get Your Shit Right, the city of Philadelphia, or any other entity…unless they happen to agree, in which case…fuck it, whatever…*

Posted by goldNboi7

Ok. Seriously? Pretentious? The people that use this word, do they even know what it means? Well now they/you do if you/they didn’t, I posted the definition. Using the word as an attack makes you pretentious by law of the 2nd definition (Assuming that you are important enough in the social hierarchy to grasp a comprehension of when somebodies ego is climbing the ladder when their dumb ass sits at the bottom). Try being more creative or specific or something.

Just remember pretentious is a double edged sword.

posted by: Dr. Thom

More Info: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/pretentious

Really… how many nip slips do you need in ONE WEEK? It was bad enough when you were running around in shorts, rubbing those nasty cottage cheese thighs in everyone’s faces.

I get it, no press is bad press. You could still have some self respect though and carry yourself with some class. I’m sure your parents appreciate your nipples being posted everywhere.

Call me crazy, I’d rather use my talent then my assets to get publicity. But then again, this is Marissa Cooper. I’m sure a lot of “acting” went into that role.

Mischa, get your shit together, re-evaluate your life and stop acting like a dumb attention whore with daddy issues.

Everyone can see what you’re doing and it’s pathetic. Stop acting like your character from your canceled tv show and live your life. Remember when you started acting like a dumb bitch on that show? Yeah, they killed you off.

Being from Dallas, before I came here (effectively makin me a star-shaped peg in a square hole) I had heard many a sordid tale about how they, upon spotting a supporter of the opposition in their territory would pelt you with ice cubes, wish a pox upon your house, kick your children and steal your left shoe just to spite you. Succinctly, real dickfaces. And to be honest, I believed the shit. Yamean…it made sense. It just seemed to be accurate, based on the things I’ve seen in my time here…until I found out different on Monday.

The morning began like any other game day…I woke up, showered, decked myself out in Cowboys regalia and left for work. I didn’t get 2 blocks from my house before some dude drivin a Doritos truck saw my choice of clothing, slowed down, gave me the finger, spelled “Eagles” at me (he got it right…I was a little impressed…) and drove off, but not before I was able to counter with a well-executed “Suck it” crotch chop. “Fuckin Iggle fans…” I thought and continued on my way. Not 2 blocks later, I got on the bus only to have the driver hiss “Can’t let you on dressed like that, buddy.” Sumthin told me he was halfway serious, but I had a token anyway, so fuck him…I smiled, shrugged it off, and moved on.

Work was, to put it kinda mildly, a swirling cornucopia of disdain and outrage. All day, people started in with the booty chatter, shit talkin, insults, and otha assorted reggaeton. You woulda thought I was some kinda torture rapist or kid snatcher the way I was shunned and mocked for my choice of football team all day. (I don’t persecute you for your religious beliefs, do I? Damn!) Everywhere I went…if it wasn’t “Oh, that shirt is disgusting…” it was “Get the hell out of my office with that hat!”, “THAT’S what that ring means?” or “Additional unoriginal comment #4!”

So of course, it only stands to reason that later that day, ‘parently cuz of some deep seated disregard for my own personal welfare (seriously…if I wasn’t as big a dude as I am, I woulda thought twice.), I decided to go to that no man’s land of ‘Boys backers called Chickie’s and Pete’s in NE Philly to watch the game. After standin outside considerin what I was about to do for about 5 minutes, I went in. As soon as I crossed the threshold of the door, everything stopped, including me in the doorway. The tension was palpable and suffocating…it was like tryin to walk into Jell-O. Conversations fell silent. A nearby bartender was pourin a draft, and the liquid froze in midair. The news was on TV, and the anchor stopped talkin, dropped his pen in shock, and stared at me, mouth agape. All eyes fell on me. Then, all at once, the room erupted into a lusty chorus of boos, jeers and catcalls.

Honored and mortified, I savored the antihero’s welcome for a few seconds, then took refuge on a corner barstool, parked in front of a TV. I ordered some Crabfries (worth every penny, but I was kinda suspicious of that viscous white sauce served with em. I’m sure I don’t have to detail how many ways said sauce could be adulterated to show malice to a reviled dude such as myself.) and a beer and waited for the game. Just then, a flock of Eagle fans sat nearby, and immediately started pointin and talkin to each otha. I sensed forthcoming hostilities, and a 15-second long bar fight montage played in my mind, including the stereotypical breakin of a bottle to form a crude poking device and culminating in me slidin some Iggle fan down a bartop, knockin over drinks and breakin glasses along the way. I mentally prepared for battle.

Instead, they surprised me. After some required comments about my apparel and team of choice, they turned out to be pretty good guys. One even bought me a beer “for having the balls to come in here dressed like that”. I returned the favor, and all was well. Course, there was the standard heckling and taunts from both sides, but that’s part of the fun. I’ll spare you the details of the game, as I’m sure you’ve heard about it more times than you care to whether you follow football or not, but I was magnanimous in victory. Everyone got a smile, a pat on the back/handshake (except for one guy who claimed he appreciated the gesture, but “just couldn’t do it.”…I understood) and a “good game”.

I walked out with a new respect for Philadelphia (damn, I ain’t spoken/typed that whole word in a long time) and the fans of its teams…they’re passionate, dedicated, and otherwise fairly decent folk…a bit delusional, but by the same SEPTA token what self-respecting sports fan aint? (I mean…the entire premise of fanhood is fundamentally ridiculous…but…who gives a good gahdamn?) If Cowboys fans and Eagles fans can get along, or at least tolerate each other’s presence, then it gives me new hope for peace in the Middle East, the lion laying with the lamb and all that other Hallmark bullshit. Well…maybe not all that…but it’ll decrease my number of barfights…small steps, people….small steps. Point is, I respect youse guys now…still hate yall team, all the players thereof, current, former and future, as well as actual eagles, but yall gets a measure of love…take it for what it’s worth.

*The opinions, views, realrap, and outlandish-but-candid words of AJ are not necessarily cosigned, shared, or otherwise endorsed by McJawn, Get your Shit Right, the city of Philadelphia, or any other entity…unless they happen to agree, in that case…fuck it…whatever.*

Posted by goldNboi7

Capital:
Porto-Novo
Population:
8,294,941
Languages:
French (official), Fon and Yoruba (most common vernaculars in south), tribal languages (at least six major ones in north)
Area:
112,622 km² (101st)
43,483 sq mi
Government:
Multiparty democracy
President:
Yayi Boni
Currency:
West African CFA franc

Location:
Western Africa, bordering the Bight of Benin, between Nigeria and Togo.
Climate:
Tropical; hot, humid in south; semiarid in north.

Background:
Present day Benin was the site of Dahomey, a prominent West African kingdom that rose in the 15th century. The territory became a French Colony in 1872 and achieved independence on 1 August 1960, as the Republic of Benin. A succession of military governments ended in 1972 with the rise to power of Mathieu KEREKOU and the establishment of a government based on Marxist-Leninist principles. A move to representative government began in 1989. Two years later, free elections ushered in former Prime Minister Nicephore SOGLO as president, marking the first successful transfer of power in Africa from a dictatorship to a democracy. KEREKOU was returned to power by elections held in 1996 and 2001, though some irregularities were alleged. KEREKOU stepped down at the end of his second term in 2006 and was succeeded by Thomas YAYI Boni, a political outsider and independent. YAYI has begun a high profile fight against corruption and has strongly promoted accelerating Benin’s economic growth.

Fun Fact: It is believed that Vodun (or Voodoo, as it is commonly known) originated in Benin Republic and was introduced to the Caribbean and parts of North America by slaves taken from this particular area of the Slave Coast. The indigenous religion of Benin is practiced by about 60% of the population. Since 1992 Vodun has been recognized as one of Benin’s official religions, and a National Vodun Holiday is celebrated on January 10.

Ladies, I’m calling off the search. You know he’s a good guy when he watches you act a fool all night, takes your black-out drunk ass home, hurdles himself through your tiny window (not before moving you precious basil plant) because your drunk ass probably left your keys at the bar, literally tucks you in and leaves you a glass of water beside your bed (because he knows you’ll need it) and then goes home. Then calls you to make sure you’re still alive. Then tells you that it was awesome and he wants to go to the movies with you. All this without ever trying to have sex with you.

This almost makes me fear that he’s gay. If this is the case, then I’m going to be the most faithful (and depressed) hag on the planet. But who would want to be gay when you can have all this?

<----......I rest my case.

And I’m never drinking again. No more making a complete ass of myself and then not remembering it. Evidently, I’m really funny when I’m drunk and I wild out. Everyone tells me all this crazy crap I did and I totally have no recollection of it. I remember starting fights and calling my mom (something I inexplicably do at the height of my drunkenness and now she thinks I’m a total wingnut) or falling down, but never the good parts. Never the part where I jumped on the couch or proclaimed I dance just like Shakira, then proceed to slide down the stairs in a sleeping bag and ripping my shirt like Hulk Hogan. I just wake up and find a shopping cart in my kitchen and try desperately to fill in the blanks all day. And don’t even get me started on the inbox of my phone the next morning. I can equate reading my outgoing texts the next morning to taking a pregnancy test that takes a few hours to give you results. I piss all over my reputation then nervously pace around while awaiting a possible shit storm.

It’s like those awful mad libs. I (blank) the entire 6 pack of (blank) and 4 (blank), but not before I texted (blank) and told him he’s a (blank). Then I (blanked) for about three hours and (blanked) a (blank). Everybody was laughing so0o0o0o hard. I totally (blanked). Then I went home. I QUIT.

It’s probably a bad idea to date a bartender then, isn’t it?

Dammit. See you tonight.

-Erin O.

I have no idea how it started, I had my headphones on and I saw this dude sitting across from me flipping out and I thought it would be funny to upload. It was a lot funnier in person, I missed a few good parts.

I use Cavalier at work for dsl and the phone line. The dsl kept slowing down and not working for the past 2 weeks. Lately, the dsl works but the phone line has been giving me trouble. Today, Cavalier technicians came and checked it out. They tested every line and jack. They couldn’t figure out why it wouldn’t work.

They told me that my lines were messed up and I needed to install new wires and it was gonna cost me $116 plus $18 for every 15 minutes. I told them to go ahead because I need my business line. After they installed the new wires, they still couldn’t get the phone to work.

Two and a half hours later they concluded that my line was messed up and they would send over different technicians tomorrow to take a look. They said that this was the hardest job they had come across and they had no clue what was wrong. They didn’t bill me for the rewiring since they didn’t even fix the problem and the wiring before was most likely fine.

Now, my phone was working but my dsl was out. I was pretty heated considering I need the internet for work. After wasting 3 hours of my time, they only left me with a bigger problem.

After they left, I thought about what they were doing and realized what the problem was. It took me all of 10 minutes to figure out what was wrong and correct it. It took them 3 hours to try and figure out what was wrong and they still couldn’t figure it out. Maybe I should be a technician, I’d at least figure out what the problem is before messing around with everything for THREE HOURS!

Largest city:
Port Louis

English (official)
National languages:
Creole 80.5%, Bhojpuri 12.1%, French 3.4%, English (official; spoken by less than 1% of the population), other 3.7%, unspecified 0.3% (2000 census)
Total area:
788 miles² (2,040 km²)
2008 Estimated population:
1,274,189 people
Government type:
parliamentary democracy
Climate:
Tropical, modified by southeast trade winds; warm, dry winter (May to November); hot, wet, humid summer (November to May)

Brief History:

Fun Facts:
The cuisine of Mauritius is a blend of Creole, Chinese, European and Indian influences. It is common for a combination of cuisines to form part of the same meal. The “cari poule” or chicken curry, for example, is a very popular dish. Other common Mauritian dishes include the “dholl puri” (a type of bread, made from lentils) the “mine-frit” (Chinese fried noodle), and “niouk nien” (dumplings). A common Mauritian drink is “alouda”, a milk-based drink containing basil seeds.

by: SlothBaby@mcjawn.com

Do you ever think we’ll see the day when you can just freely spark up in public with no probs? Must we have to creep stealthily down the street with a one-hitter disguised as a cig for the rest of our lives, an air of suspicion clouding our every step? (Not that I know anything about that…) Will there ever be a time when a fuck-ass cop with nothin better to do wont pull you over and search your car lookin for a roach? When will they admit this “war on drugs” was an utter failure and waste of billions of tax dollars? On some real shit…look me in the eye (-p address) and tell me if the war on drugs wasn’t a company, all the head executives wouldn’t have been fired by now? Tell me that anybody readin this can’t still get any drug they want by makin 5 phone calls or less? (Na, please don’t do it…I might end up slappin the naïveté out of you…) Really, I defy you…give me one good reason why tree is illegal.

Hell, it aint even a drug…it just grows like that. There’s no processing involved, no extraction, no unnatural modification of any kind. Yamean, there’s more that goes into makin common Aspirin than makin skamba. It’s a plant…just like grass and trees and flowers and shit….you can grow it in ya backyard if you want. Wouldn’t recommend it tho…the jack-booted shock troops of the DEA might kick in your door totin AKs and solar-powered flashlights, hurl you bodily to the floor and arrest you as the leader of a drug cartel. Anyway, my point is who or whatever put us here put bud here too. (Praise and honor upon he who first set it on fire, be it accidentally or on purpose, and discover its effects. Bless the house of his descendants.) Could the reason that it’s still illegal be that people are profiting from drug arrests through the prison industrial complex system? Could it be that hemp has many industrial purposes (seriously…Wiki it up sometime…there’s a loooong list) and that wide-scale cultivation would cut into American corporations’ profit margins?

It cant be that it’s for the public good…countries in Europe have had green legalized for years, and not only has society NOT crumbled into a couch-locked, shiftless, and unproductive dystopia, but addiction rates to other drugs such as heroin and meth have actually decreased, thereby disproving that whole bunk-ass “gateway drug” theory. Let’s keep it 100 here, what gahdamn sense do that make? That’s like sayin by stomping cockroaches as a kid, it makes me more likely to be a stone-cold serial killer. Is crackin open a Smirnoff Ice or a Natty Light every so often the fast-track to life in a cardboard box passionately chuggin Listerine in some dank Nicetown alley? There’s a big difference between twistin up a strawberry Dutch and shooting heroin. It definitely could be that folk, once again, don’t think for they fuckin selves and instead rely on the media to tell them what’s good and bad…and we all know that’s an excellent way to function.Me my own personal self, I think it would have benefits…it would keep nonviolent offenders out of the legal system (how many folk you know ran into static over a bullshittin possession charge?), it could raise tax money for the economy/national debt/social security/school/whatevathehellelse (cuz you know they gonna tax the shit…only place where things is tax free is Delaware, and livin there is a tax in and of itself), if sold in stores it would be standardized and remove or at least alleviate concerns of adulterants (please…no dust for me unless I ask for it…), and its medical benefit, which has been scientifically proven time and again could be more widely researched…and of course, it would be cheaper, as anything legal is…I don’t see the problem. Under my theoretical system, you could buy it in liquor stores and it would be subject to similar rules and penalties.

I’m not sayin it can’t be abused. Hell, anything can, the internet, oil (heh), even precious, precious porn. But we as a whole at least give off the impression of being sentient. Let us make the decision about whether to use it or not our damn selves. The bottom line is, those who want to smoke de ganja will, those who don’t won’t, and havin it be illegal does little more than cause extraneous legal problems for people…and ain’t there enough ways for me to get in trouble with the law already? Just leave me alone and let me blaze…all this drama is really blowin my high…

*The opinions, views, realrap, and outlandish-but-candid words of AJ are not necessarily cosigned, shared, or otherwise endorsed by McJawn, Get your Shit Right, the city of Philadelphia, or any other entity…unless they happen to agree, in that case…fuck it…whatever.*

Posted by goldNboi7

DELETE US!!

Nothing’s more awkward than receiving a call from some douchebag you deleted and you don’t recognize their number when he/she calls. I experienced this sad moment last night from someone who was a good friend in High School, but turn out to be a asshole. After three years, that person calls me acting like nothing’s changed and wanting information on someone else they stopped talking to. WHY DO YOU STILL HAVE MY NUMBER?????

Now I’m sure there’s people you want to keep up with, but if you’re on bad terms or not that close to the person…DELETE THEM!! This is why we have myspace and facebook, as the first generation that makes it impossible to leave the clingy fingers obsessive, bad at saying goodbye, classmates and ex-coworkers.

Now everyone go! Audit your phone and take us moved on acquaintances out of your phone! So I don’t get another annoying phone call at 2am.

…but if you want party, I’ll think about it:)

Largest city: Baku
National languages: Azerbaijani (Azeri) 90.3%, Lezgi 2.2%, Russian 1.8%, Armenian 1.5%, other 3.3%, unspecified 1% (1999 census)
Total area:33,436 miles² (86,600 km²)
2008 Estimated population: 8,177,717 people
Government type: Republic