Being sick all weekend sucks! If you’re like me, being sick equals staying in bed all day, taking frequent naps, drinking a lot of green tea and watching lots of shitty reality tv, namely Paris Hilton’s My New BFF.

I noticed something weird while watching a few episodes. Why does Paris carry that douchewand everywhere she goes? It seems like she tries to bring it out as much as possible, outside of the eliminations.

I think my favorite part of her reality show is when she eliminates someone, she just waves her douchewand and says, TTYN! (Talk To You NEVER.)

REALLY? No… REALLY PARIS? Who talks like that IRL? (In Real Life.) If in normal conversation, you speak as you would through a text message, you don’t deserve to live. Every time she says TTYN, the “OMG, MY BFF JILL?!?!” commercial replays in my head and drives me crazy.

But back to the douchewand. I would not let her get anywhere near me with that, who knows where that’s been? She just broke up with the fat twin from that band no one cares about and she seems to love that wand a little too much. Put that nasty douchewand away, especially if it spent “a night in Paris.” KTHNX!

Also Clueless was on tv, great movie. This girl I went to high school with can recite the whole movie on mute. I’m not gonna lie, I was impressed. I’m with Cher, we’re saving ourselves for Luke Perry.